How I Became a ‘Wounded Healer’ After Christians Rejected Me

Who are you? I’ve experienced the same thing. I have a really deep testimony.

So this is going to be a tough topic. For the past 14 years I’ve considered myself a Christian/believer in Jesus. My story is probably unlike any other story you’ve ever heard. But the problem is it’s also exactly like every other story you’ve ever heard. I want to be careful what I say here, because the truth is, there are some Christians out there who are extremely loving unconditionally. But the vast majority are just people who hurt people, don’t accept that they are in fact hurting and harming people.
From the first week I walked into a church this has been true.
The very first week I walked into a church, my only Christian friend told me there was nothing in the Bible that said we have to be friends (which actually isn’t true: Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you– better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away. Proverbs 28:10; “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. – Matthew 5:23). I asked this person if I had done anything wrong, and she said no, I was just being myself. So I have done nothing wrong but must be excluded.
A lot of people quote Romans 12:8 saying as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone, in order to justify ending friendships, for whatever minor or major reason they have, no matter how small or big. but notice the difference in context. In Matthew, Jesus is speaking to believers. In Romans, Paul is talking about non-christian Roman soldiers trying to kill Christians. Very big difference.
So I took a hit, somehow I still kept going. This was the first week, and already experienced the hate, I tried the whole “forgiving without reconciling thing” because apparently that’s the Christlike thing to do.
I’ll be honest…college was probably one of the better times when it came to church and church events. I’m not really sure why. But I did see one thing that made an incredible difference and did give me hope. Our campus crusade on some nights would contain catholics, mormons, presbyterians, pentecostals, all different denominations. The division that so many people raged against was just gone.
But when I went back home, things weren’t so crystal clear. I began trying out other churches. The first church I went to in this period, I was met by a former coworker, who came up to me and said I should leave and find a different church. I asked if I had done anything wrong. Still no answers.
So I did, I found another church. I had been dating a girl and found out she cheated on me, so I yelled at her. And even then I tried blaming myself and apologizing and reconciling. In this case it was even brought to the pastor and apparently she said she would leave if I continued going there, and the pastor said even though he agreed with me, asked me to leave until she left and then I could come back.
So I left and found another church. This church quite frankly seemed fantastic. Everybody was loving caring. They encouraged me to get involved, serve, and I did, and this all went on for years, without a hint of negativity. When it all came crashing down. When in fact the pastor’s own family came to me, called me barely tolerable, and when I tried to work things out was told my feelings are not their “responsibility.” Well actually…let’s think of an example. If someone is driving recklessly, and damages your property, whose responsible? The owner, or the reckless driver? The driver is the one who is LIABLE, right? So when you leave emotional scars on someone, it actually is entirely your responsibility to fix it. I tried reaching out to both pastors to get an explanation for some biblical support for their boundaries belief, genuinely wanting to give them a chance. I was ignored. I asked them this because I discovered articles proving the authors of boundaries encouraged people to get divorced within 5 minutes of talking to one person, and making fun of less fortunate people.
And this was the final straw for me. If you can’t love the emotional person whose only issue is he wants to be loved and accepted, then you sure as heck you can’t love the atheist, the drunk, the drug addict, or anyone else. Because here’s the harsh truth: That person might be transformed, and stop drinking let’s say. But the minute you reject him from your life, guess where he’s right back to? Drinking. If someone’s issue is they want to be loved by the church, and the church can’t love that person, then what are you even doing?
So this is my way of saying I no longer wish to be associated with Christians. I’m still on the fence about whether or not I believe in God/Jesus, but the pain and damage caused to me by the church over the years has been more than enough reason to stop going. Maybe my boundary needs to be the church itself.
And please understand, there are a few of you who have been incredible, please understand that, like anything else, there are exceptions to this, and you probably know who you are and please know that this is not really directed at you. I do love the people who genuinely loved me, but what’s hard is knowing that I love the people who don’t love me, but I can’t put myself in a position knowing you’re actively telling people God loves them while still hating someone who genuinely loved you.

Having been demoted from eldership and all church positions some 4 years ago, I expected that maybe someone in my church would care enough to contact me. None did. I apologised to the Pastor but he has made no approach in all that time. What is wrong with the church seeking the lost os it no longer popular?

I was also wounded by Christians after 20 years in three different churches. I wasn’t on drugs or an alcoholic. I am educated and cultured, but living with some kind of chronic fatigue illness which caused fibromyalgia and which had made me low income. I was rejected, marginalized, literally insulted at times and three times screamed at in wierd hatred for absolutely no reason. It was worse than I can even relate. After a woman studying to become a Christiam counselor came to my church and repeatedly refused to acknowledge my presence, while being nice to e everyone standing near me, I finally left for church good in a severely traumatized state. Toward the end, I tried to tell parishioners how I felt and it made them push me away harder. None of them want to know. None of them. I tried one more time somewhere else, and the minister was so rude to me the first day, when I shared my privately in order to receive prayer. He said he didn’t believe anything I said. I had fulilled out a form asking for counseling before he said that-but he never even bothered to call me. After that, I turned away from Christian churches and I will NEVER go back. Unless I come back either married or wealthy or preferably both-I will never be good enough for these across -the-board horrible people.. The ecperience was not Ever go back I think I have ptsd from my experiences.

It is true.I used to go to church,love God but have so much been rejected by church people that I hate going to church or associating with church people.I used to dream dreams and interpret them and sing but my pastor always had a negative word to say about my singing and i was told not to speak about my dreams anymore in church because they were mostly about the elders,deacons,pastors etc and I was told to sit in silence when it came to that matter.Now I am leaving without God but yearn to be in His presence again.

Wow, I wish I’d seen this sooner! Will you be doing it again?

Hi Doug, I could understand a little bit of what you went through, maybe not all, but a little because I was gradually accepted by the church, who do not move supernaturally but do acknowledge the supernatural. I attend two churches now, the other one moves supernaturally but are full of hurt people and it was hard to form a community, and the one that do not move supernatural yet has a loving community.
God is so good, I get the best of both worlds yet I am contending for reconciliation between this two symbolic entities – the new move of God and the old move of God. Because we are one body in Christ. And the old move cannot contradict the new move because God is the same ytd, todayannd Tml. Just a few days ago, I had a dream of myself in.the throne room, I was talking to this man sitting on the throne, I was ignorant of who he was at that time, I know now it’s God, I was telling him excitedly about the greatest revival in history coming, He laughed good naturedly and said, “how about the old church and the new church?” That moment I saw Billy Graham walked into the room, I woke up with the words ringing in my head, those who are given more if they would humble themselves will be given more.
It struck me right then, the enemy has been stopping the people (new church) who moves supernaturally with the existing old church. But focussing on.what was done to us by these Christians supernatural unbelievers does not glorify God, we have forgotten we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but principalites and powers of which only 75% are worldly mindsets. When we who have more will humble ourselves, more will be given, the ones who have been moving supernaturally has been given more, yet we have to humble ourselves, because God loves all his children, it’s not who is wrong and who is right, it is now we know we are stopped by principalities and powers in people, among friends and family who are Christians, but we choose to embrace them even if they reject us, because we are one body, and when the body is United, we will see the greatest revival the world has yet seen.

Doug one of the wounds I also experienced coming from a similar background as yours, was Christian ministries who had a reaching out cut off point when it came to purchasing their resources…as you do. I’m still perusing Christ being led by the Holy Spirit. I cation you that your “Healing” is reaching no further than the wallet… what I want, what everyone wants is Real Love of Christ ministries… not the profit-ic. Wanted to believe you were since until I found I couldn’t obtain your resources also because money matters…

Hey man thanks a lot for sharing, I’m finish with Christian people I’m going to the streets and bars, at least I won’t get broken heart there, those people have more sincerely than christians. But I know who I am, I am a mature spiritual brother of christ.

Last Suday the pastor said “we shouldn’t be angry & be on social media. All of us need to get off social media. My heart breaks because God has called me as a prophetic revealer. He has showed me many things & I shared them in women’s Bible study. Some were excited & the pastor now goes & doesn’t allow it. Talks philosophy.

You can minimize the persecution but you can not totally run from it. This persecution is inherent as a Christian. It is a law. We are suppose to learn to rejoice about persecution for sharing the gospel and persecution for knowing Jesus because there is great reward in this the bible tells us. The more you take it less personally and expunge this the more you HAVE to learn to release your own hate, resentment, judgements. Yes there was a lot of judgement in all those groups you spoke about and some of it might even be true but that is exactly the tough space God wants us in and to learn to thrive there. I have experience a lot of judgement and with the calling on my life there won’t be a special group that won’t reject me. I’m the Shulamite Bride returned. This is the design of God. Why? because you did this kind of stuff before you knew God in the secular world. Always looking around for acceptance and who could tolerate you. For example all the groups, clicks, sects you can partake in in the secular experience. Watch the movie Clueless for an education of all the different types of clicks in high school. This doesn’t change when you enter into the Christian world. It’s always been in your soul to find the kinder, nicer people or those that can relate to you more, have more in common with.. God says, we are not to to just love the ones that can love you back. Where is the good in this Christ says. We all have this hurts and judgements from the secular world still simmering in our souls. We all have old spirits of old , anger, resentment in your own soul. The more you just be the love of Christ to anyone, the more free you are and more holy. This is how people like Paul receive the gifts if just walking by people and have them fall out in the spirit. Even Paul gave up on the Jewish people but they are really a different example. God called them stiff necked people but He had harden their heart just as he did Pharaoh’s for a reason, for the glory of God. Their extra sufferings are going to reap them a greater reward and the bible tells this also. We are persecuted for his sake Doug and he has told me this directly.

Doug,
what is involved? If i may ask…
a missionary kid at 67, I still struggle the effects of being raised in the missionary kid world, in a realm of terrorism in the spiritual realm, same thing in the physical.
hard to describe..
I know God works things out for good but often the memories erupt ; I know with my head that God saved my life tho some of us did not.I battle with “serving God” and what it means..I struggle with that the folks did what the mission ordered.. sent us to boarding school to be raised …
Churches don’t want to hear what really happened
YES.. the only thing that keeps me sane is forgiveness..very often, daily and nightly.
God bless you, wrap His arms around and carry you in “those moments”..

So many hurt by churches run as a business and corporation but a pastor is to look after the flock and see that they are fed not to feed upon the flock. Church has become a big ‘ol competition of the giftings and so on. I can’t stand most churches.

Doug, after seeing your video of interpreting tattoo’s, it opened my eyes to that as a possible outreach avenue. There have been a couple of incidents where I’ve been able to do that. In one, a girl had a very cool compass tattoo on her arm. I felt like God was saying to her, “people get tattoos for spiritual reason, and God wants you to know that as detailed as that tattoo is, that’s how detailed he wants to give you direction for your life.” She said she had gotten that tattoo at a very difficult time in her life and that it meant a lot to her. So cool to be open to that as a way God might show his love to someone. Thanks for doing what you do!

This is always an issue among believers. It is a serious matter: God loves through his body here on earth = you and me who are believers in Christ.
So: God help us to meet people in love!!!
Unfortunately we are not always ready, mature, healed ourselves.
In spite of all I send you my love 🙂

Great word Doug. It’s time to qualify the disqualified!

I too have been very rejected by the church. God took me into the heavenlies and showed me his heart and then provided others to come along side me and help me be set free of so many wounds. That was 26 years ago moving forward always until of late and now i have been challenged in areas that i thought i was free. I want to be a healed healer. Please pray for me as i move forward not backward. Will try to participate on February 20 as my internet isn’t to good. Thank you for your testimony. Gods abundant blessings

Doug. Cant do now. Maybe a redo another time. Definitely interested in your approach.

Also,have only had internet less than a year. A few years back someone gave me a dream book by,Barbara Claassen, The 1st thing I looked up was her site. Well I found Doug. A. name because you had made a trip to S. Africa. So I read about Angel encounters. I then looked up your site and this supernatural life opened up to me and all makes sense. Only God was able to bring this about. AMAZING, GOD.He is good!!!!

I have been wounded by Churches, and I haven’t been in a while. I read my Bible and pray. I know there’s more but when your not accepted for different reasons. Sometimes you just give up and create your own little Church.

I was seating and talking to a woman God and she said you have wounded heart, and now this word is showing me an example of someone who conquered this wounded heart.I thank God for this WORD!!!!

I too have been wounded like many. When my gifts flowed profusely I got many rejections. My brother helped me through the pain with encouragement and we would use our gifts on each other. And ,Jesus was my only friend.Thank you for sharing.

Like you I came out of the drug/hippie culture of the ’70’s. I met Jesus and went to a new type of church (charismatic) which taught Triune GOD! Hallelujah! When I moved (2 yrs later) I found out how much the church hates believers! That continued for about 30 yrs. Then I started to find a few churches (around the world) which celebrated Holy Spirit filled, bible believing, moving in GOD christians. I am in a VERY small church now which reaches out to addicts. I am celebrated for being who I am and encouraged to reach out to whomever GOD says for me to. I am turned loose in Christ in my church and I am blessed. I am given the freedom to teach and say exactly what GOD has taught and is saying to me.

My story is very similar I am a recovered alcoholic with a new age background, and I run retreats for people with addictions today where we speak to people where they are at. We use the 12 step programme without legalism showing that Jesus is grace. Many have been wounded by the church and peoples attitudes and the God they have been introduced to is punishing and condemning.
If they are still in their addiction churches often don’t know what to do. There is a great fear of the demonic and very loud dramatic deliverances are encouraged which seems to feed the problem. LGBTQ people are rejected or told very difficult things which wound. I read your prophesy about LGBTQ, tattooed, pierced, new age it have me hope. I am joining your webinar. I have great hope.

Your workshop sounds amazing, but is there anyway that you do something not on video? because I don’t have sound on my pc and am from South Africa so I can’t even go to a live workshop.

Greetings in Christ